I Continue to Realize I Just Don’t Care

1 Feb

I began this semester, as every semester, with grand intentions.

The most grand of these was that I was going to put actual effort into my academics. I was going to not only take notes, but review them on the weekends. I was going to do every page of the assigned readings, and I would have my assignments done ahead of time.

Well, that was a joke.

I have quickly remembered that I do not, in fact, care about my coursework.

Note to future potential employers: Please continue reading. I promise I am a very hard worker and do, in fact, care about things as long as they have a point.

Sure, I learn in class. Theoretically. But really, it’s more like I just do the things I know I need to do in order to get the grade I want. And I do those things to the very minimum level required. Sorry, inspirational elementary-school teachers.

It’s not a matter of laziness. I work 30-35 hours a week on publications, and I don’t do those to a minimum level. Because those effect other people, those teach me the things I want to know. Those things matter.

I feel guilty about how little I care about putting effort into my classes. I’m reminded every day that I have opportunities that most people on this planet can’t even dream about, but I can’t be motivated to care about them.

I was signing up for marketing research projects today, and there were seven options. One of these (which, okay, I proposed) was to do research regarding readership of and trust in the newspaper.

I got assigned to a different group. Normally, I would not care – at. all. – which group I was put in. This time, though, I knew there was no way I would care whatsoever about this project unless I was in that group.

So I raised my hand. In the middle of a class full of people I don’t know who are way cooler than me (I know they’re cooler because the girls wear North Face jackets and the guys wear basketball jerseys and baseball caps – welcome to the business school).

I raised my hand and said, “Actually, the newspaper was my first choice and that group isn’t closed. Also I came up with the proposal and also I work for the newspaper, so you should put me in that group.”

That sounds a lot like someone who cares about her coursework. Truth is, I just knew that if I didn’t relate this stupid class to the paper, I wouldn’t give half a shit.

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