Soon This Will All Be Over

23 Apr

Sometimes I wish I had a fast-forward button, a way to just skip through difficult times. Like these next three weeks, where I have so much work to do and so little time to do it. I wish I could just skip the tests and papers and projects, fast forward to summer where the weather is nice and I don’t have homework and at least I’m getting paid to do the things I don’t want to do.

I remind myself: “Only 14 school days until summer! And that includes finals week! Soon this will all be over”

And, then, of course, I remember how true that is.

I think back on that last day of elementary school, hugging my classmates and realizing this was the last recess I would ever have. The last day of middle school, when I, as a mature and worldly 14-year-old, looked back and laughed at my naive 12-year-old self who hadn’t known her way around the school, and looked forward in terror at being a high schooler.

And then those terrifying last few weeks of high school, as I realized I would never again live with my parents. Never again take a bus to school. Never again follow the bell schedule. Never again. And I remember laying on the field during sixth period, just trying to hold on to that moment as it slipped away so quickly, building friendships at the last minute that I should have been building for years. Realizing no one else would understand all of the inside jokes in the quote book we had been building for four years.

As I think about those things, I realize how much I’m going to miss this. Watching all the bro tanks and frisbees suddenly come out on the quad, as if the campus has come out of hibernation. Writing a paper frantically in the middle of the night alongside four other equally frantic students. Walking through campus and hearing someone call out my name. Having snowball fights. Procrastinating for hours, memorizing worthless lists, regurgitating them on the test and then immediately forgetting the information (okay, maybe that I won’t miss).

My point is, I may only be 21, but I’ve had enough good times end that I know that things end much more quickly than you expect them to. The semester drags on and on and on, and then suddenly you’re done. Happy to have finished, but already missing your friends. You’ve been wandering Europe for what feels like years, and then suddenly you’re on a plane to Seattle. Happy to be home, but already wishing for another adventure. You’ve been rehearsing for months, and suddenly you’re performing. Happy to have succeeded, but knowing that you will never again see this family you’ve built.

Someday, hopefully, I’ll be 40. With a job, a family of my own. I’ll be worlds separated from the girl sitting here today, and maybe I’ll be wishing away my kid’s science fair project. Or my day at work at a job I hate (hopefully not!) Or a big project. And I’ll be wishing I was back here, where I spend time every day with some of the people who mean the most to me, who will spread out across the nation and the world after next May.

I know that this time next year, I’m going to be an emotional mess. But I have the luxury of having another year before I get there. And so I’m trying not to wish the time away. I’m trying to breath it in, to enjoy even the crappy parts, to just be here, now.

Because soon this will all be over.

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4 Responses to “Soon This Will All Be Over”

  1. ianmulligan08 October 1, 2013 at 4:10 am #

    Oh the places you will go, the people you will meet and the memories you will have. Gonzaga was good to both and gave us the tools to be successful in life. Though this chapter has ended another has already started.

  2. Anonymous April 25, 2012 at 12:08 am #

    beautifully written 🙂

  3. Erin April 24, 2012 at 11:45 pm #

    I started coming up with a list of things I want to do in pullman before I leave…kinda like a college bucket list, so that I remember to have fun during my last semester instead of just focusing on finishing

    • laurenkcampbell April 25, 2012 at 12:03 am #

      1) I’m glad you can comment again!
      2) I cannot BELIEVE this is going to be your last semester. You know what you should do after you graduate? Move to Spokane and hang out with me for MY last semester! Rent’s cheap 🙂

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