I would do it all over again

24 Aug

It’s orientation weekend. Those couple of days when campus overflows with nervous parents and 18-year-olds who can’t find anything – “Seriously, where in all of creation is PACCAR???” – and upperclassmen excitedly reuniting.

It’s senior year. As I walk through those crowds of lonely freshmen in front of the student center, I see someone I know every fifteen feet. It’s constant squeals of “How ARE you?!?!” “I’ve missed you!!!” “What did you do all summer???” and hugs everywhere. It’s fantastic.

I’m so jealous of the freshmen.

There are very few things from the last three years that I would do differently. I just want to do it all again!

I want to stay in the honors house until 2 a.m. every day when I have Physics at 8 in the morning, and to spend my weekends vaguely uncomfortably playing King’s Cup in the attic while drinking nothing but water, and cram twelve people around a dining hall table and talk about boy problems late into the night with my new best friend on the laundry room floor.

I want to let myself into my friend’s apartment in the building next door to mine and hang out on their couch even when they aren’t home. I want to steal sandwiches from the mini-COG in my 15-minute break and be terrified by the seniors in the newspaper office until one finally helps me feel like I belong and share all my clothes with my roommate.

I want to come home to freshly baked cookies made by one of the six best friends that I live with and gossip about everyone we know at basketball games instead of paying attention and have a weekly Trader Joe’s trip scheduled with my housemates and make mulled wine at our classy parties.

I guess it’s not so much that I want to do it again, but I’m jealous that they have all that in front of them. They’re walking around campus and they don’t know who will be their very best friends, which weekends will be memories that they hold tightly to for the rest of their lives, which places will end up becoming a second home and then, eventually, a first home.

The reunions are so fun, and the promises of “Senior year is going to be the best EVER!” are sincere. And I know that this year is going to make some amazing memories.

But I won’t be here for orientation next year. I won’t be having reunions, just endless scary firsts, and I don’t even know where I’ll be. I guess I just wish I had a little more time, a few more Camp Reeds and Founders Day weekends and Easter trips to a friend’s house and all of that in front of me instead of behind me.

I know there is so much awesome in front of me, that the four years after college are going to be at least as life-changing as these four. But these ones, so far, have been pretty amazing, and I’m really jealous of the people just starting them now.

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