That time I lived in North Dakota

10 Jan

I’m only here for two more days. Then I’ll drive off, with no idea if or when I’ll be back. I’ll start another new life, and within a few months this will become nothing but “this one time, right after college, I lived in North Dakota for six months.”

I feel like I should say I’ve grown so much from being here, that I’ve changed so much since I got off that tiny plane back in May. But I haven’t, not really. I feel like I’ve been in a bit of a holding pattern – get up (usually late), go to work, watch Netflix, do something social once a week or so just so I don’t become a recluse.

That’s not to say I regret being here. I’m so glad that I came here. I got a job that I really like, for one thing. One where I matter, and one that I might stay with for a long time. That in itself is more than worth half a year in boomtown. And I’ve had an experience few people do, and I’ll always have a little soft spot for ND. 

But still, I’ve felt frozen.

I know we have a tendency, as humans, to always feel a bit frozen, as if our lives will start “when I ___.” But I’ve generally, in the past, felt as though something was moving forward. Maybe that was a function of being in school? Maybe that’s not something adults experience? Heck, maybe it’s one of the reasons we have/love kids – that chance to watch and help someone else grow instead of the sense of being on a hamster wheel.

I think, though, that it’s been more tied to the fact that there has been little about my life here I look forward to. Mostly my countdowns have been to leaving, to Canada or Spokane or Seattle or even a day trip. I haven’t been excited about things here, my life here has been something to weather. That sounds really depressing.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking about my life post-move, and what I’m going to do to make myself happier in general. I think it’s going to be quite the step up and I absolutely cannot wait.

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One Response to “That time I lived in North Dakota”

  1. Erin January 11, 2014 at 10:20 am #

    Wishing you safe travels!

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