Stop wishing this away

6 Jan

It’s a January a couple years out of college, which apparently means it’s time for literally everyone to get engaged. Which, for the rest of us, leads to a swirling mess of self-doubt and wishing we could see the future and be reassured that things are going to turn out okay. Or is that just me?

Anyways, I definitely find myself wishing for time to move faster, all the time. Whether it’s the hours until the end of the work day, days until my next trip, months until I know what’s going on with my job, or years (decades? I sure hope not) until I’m a soccer mom, I just want to be anywhere but right now.

I’m always looking back at the past, to when I was traveling in Europe or a carefree little kid or dancing regularly in Minneapolis or acting in community theatre or doing a million things at once in college. Funny thing is, though, I was always counting down to the future then, too. I even wrote essentially this same post at the end of my junior year.

I know, logically, that there will come a day when I would give anything to be able to just come home and veg out with Netflix and popcorn until bedtime. A time will come when I will miss this job, the great people I work with, and feeling like my career could end up anywhere. I will miss happy hours with my friends and my cute little apartment and not having to worry about anyone’s desires but my own.

And yet, I spend half my time thinking about how to move on to the “next step,” and where and what I want that to be.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with planning for the future, obviously. I’m actually fairly sure I’m addicted to lists. There is, though, something wrong with failing to appreciate the present.

I’m making a concerted effort, these days, to actually be happy for all these people and their engagements instead of bitter about my own love life. It works like 70% of the time. You would think I would know by now that the future always comes, and it brings changes, and some of those will be great, but a lot of them will leave me missing what I have right now. Including being single. So I’m going to try appreciating it while I have it, instead of waiting until it’s gone to miss it.


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