The trials of an extrovert

1 Feb

This is one of those posts that it’s really hard to hit “publish” on, but it’s the truth.

I spend most of my time feeling lonely.

Sure, I have a good collection of friends and acquaintances, and I love spending time with them. But I’m not in a relationship, my family’s far away, I live alone and I don’t even have a really great friend who lives in this city. In short, I’m no one’s number one.

I’m pretty self-sufficient, and I absolutely hate that I depend on other people for my happiness. It makes me feel weak, and that’s one of the feelings I hate the most, because I am a strong independent woman who don’t need no man, dammit!

What I do need, though, is someone who I can just sit on the couch with and watch TV. Someone who I can go to when I have a shitty day and not feel like an imposition. Someone who, when asked who the most important people in their life are, would put me on that list.

Last night, I hosted a party. It was great, and I loved getting to know some people a little better and spending time with the people I’m already friends with. There’s always that moment, though, when everyone walks out the door and it’s just me and my dirty apartment. I hate that moment.

i knew living alone would be a challenge for me, precisely because I’m such an extrovert, but I hated the idea that it could be something I was incapable of. I don’t take well to being incapable of things. So I moved in to this place alone, and it’s cozy and nice and all mine, and sometimes I really like the freedom it gives me. But mostly it’s lonely, and I don’t want to ever do it again. I want to have people around, someone to chat with while I’m eating my breakfast or sitting around on a Sunday afternoon. I need roommates, apparently.

I suppose your twenties are supposed to be all about figuring out who you are. And I absolutely hate that part of that is learning I’m not the independent person that I want to believe I am.


6 Responses to “The trials of an extrovert”

  1. Krista T February 2, 2015 at 7:18 pm #

    Hi Lauren – Not sure why my comment was showing up as anonymous!

    • laurenkcampbell February 2, 2015 at 8:51 pm #

      Oh, I was wondering who this was! Sadly, not a dog person – but I’m working on finding more projects and thus less time to sit around wallowing 🙂

  2. absolutelyalissa February 2, 2015 at 6:54 pm #

    I totally get ya. I just moved to a new city a few months ago and went from living with 5 of my closet friends to living with one roommate who is gone a lot of the time. In my experience, I’ve learned that independence might be more of an acquired taste… especially for extroverts. Maybe we’ll both get there eventually 🙂

    • laurenkcampbell February 2, 2015 at 8:49 pm #

      It’s definitely an adjustment period! Good luck with your new hometown!

  3. Anonymous February 2, 2015 at 5:33 pm #

    I think you need to get a small, “apartment sized” dog, preferably one that has fur you aren’t allergic to and hopefully, doesn’t shed very much or not at all. You’d then be required to take him or her for daily walks and meet all sorts of folks. Dogs are always excited to see you when you get home!

  4. prinkatwong3rd February 1, 2015 at 6:06 pm #

    I get that. If the world didn’t have extroverts, it’d be a pretty boring place. And having a roommate helps, yes. And there’s nothing wrong with it.

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